Fear is an unavoidable obstacle in each child’s life. Fear is often the source of poor behavior. If we can help our children cope with fear, we will have listening ears and willing hearts! So why do our children get scared? Lots of reasons! This world looks and feels insane to our little ones and even our big ones. Do you ever take a moment to consider what your child may be afraid of? Really. Think for a minute. Have you ever asked your child what they are scared of? Many parents would be surprised to hear those little responses! Simply telling a child not to worry won’t cut it anymore than that would work for you when you are overcome with fear. Here is a little exercise for you…

1. Take a minute for yourself and write down some of things you are currently afraid of. Ask yourself what you are worried about. Do some digging. Allow yourself to reflect on what that feels like to you and then compare how your child might be feeling that same feeling.
2. Sit down with your child and ask them, “Can you tell me everything you are afraid of?” Really take your time with this. Be empathetic. Refuse the instinct to talk them out of it. Just empathize no matter how ridiculous it may seem. “Wow. I would feel afraid too if I thought someone may come in my window at night,” or “I can see why you would feel so overwhelmed and scared about all the work you need to do at school!” Just let them go on and on and on and on and…well you get the picture. Your job here is to empathize and validate, empathize and validate, empathize and validate.
3. Now ask your child, “What can I do to help you when you feel afraid?” Offer ideas if they are unsure. There are lots of them!

• Do a room walk through before bed to check windows and doors, physically showing your child how secure they are.
• Fill a spray bottle with water and spray the fears away. Some call this monster spray. You can add a dash of room freshener or body spray to give it a light scent. Remember it will be used fairly liberally so a little dab will do you scent-wise!
• Pray with your child, specifically asking God to help him not be afraid of “name fear.” The ancient Scriptures tell us that “God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” You can find that verse in 2 Timothy 1:7. Wouldn’t your child love to feel powerful?!?
• Offer your child a vacation from their fears! Get them out and doing things that help them get their minds off of what is consuming them. Please do not try this at home!
• Tell your child how to come to you next time they are scared. You may want to be creative here and create a technique just for you and your child. One technique may be to have them draw you a picture and bring it to you to talk about. Another could be a homemade necklace, hung on the wall, that your child could put on to show you they need to talk.
• Tell your child you do when you are afraid. Children think we are fearless, but that is more of a goal than a reality, wouldn’t you agree?
• Address the “big guns” head on! Children who have gone through trauma will carry a huge burden on their shoulders. They need you to use real words to describe why they are hurting and what they have gone through. If you do not offer this, they will grow up thinking they are crazy. As hard as some of the trauma may be to talk about it, they have to talk about it, and they need you to use real words to describe what they have been through. “Yes, honey, before you came to our home, you did not eat very often. I will make sure you always have food so you never have to worry,” or “I know “people” used to hurt your body. It is not ok to hurt you. In our family, we will never hurt each other’s bodies.” (We will speak more on this topic at a later time.)

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