Do you have an angry kid? Does your child make you consider sleeping with one eye open? Do you ever find yourself wondering where this temper came from and worrying you make be on a Dateline Special someday? You have probably heard that angry kids come from angry parents. There is a lot of truth in that but not the only truth. In fact, it is very normal for kids to show extreme temperament and sometimes even rage that stems merely from their innate personality. For now we will focus on this latter truth and we will address the angry parent later.

You may be a very quiet, demure mother or a very tenderhearted, patient father. It does not create an immunity to this common issue. You have three distinct challenges. The first is to STOP panicking! Your next challenge is to change your language. From now on we will refer to this “rage” and “anger” as “passion.” Changing your language will help you parent out of compassion, rather than fear. You final challenge is to address and offer solutions that work for your unique child.

The first idea I will offer for you to try is called The Anger Diaries. (sounds like a made-for-tv movie). In short, an Angry Diary will give your child a safe outlet for all the “passion” that is building up inside of them and train them to . Ahead of time you will need to

1. Designate the diary. This could be a notebook, a journal, a binder with loose paper, etc… Make this fun. Let them know that you are going to create or buy a special diary. Designate a pencil case or pouch with markers, crayons, pens, and/or pencils specific for the diary. Designate a specific safe spot where this is all kept. Since waves of passion can come and go quickly, you do not want to waste any time searching out the outlet.
2. Choose who will write in the diary. This is your child’s diary to share with Mom, Dad, or both. No one else is to write in this, unless it has been decided from the beginning. Don’t feel discouraged if your child is able to express better with one parent over the other. This too is natural. If they choose to open it to both parents, then lovely!
3. Explain they can write or draw their feelings and emotions. They will not be in trouble for doing so. Explain you will write them back. Each time someone writes they will let the person know to look at the diary and simply leave it in the safe spot.

You must have specific guidelines or this will not work!!

• Establish who will write in the journal
• Establish who can read the journal
• Establish how to exchange the journal
• All communication should be reserved to a back and forth, unspoken dialogue (some little ones may need reading and writing help)
• Keep it just long enough to be efficient but save to long writing for your diary
• No self-incrimination; cannot be used in a court of family law!
• Each writer is allowed his own feelings
• Writer should not fear consequence, lecturing, or irritability
• Responses should be humble, honest, and should never be aggressive
• Before and after each communication, there should be active love

How to ruin this idea-

• Post your child’s diary entry on Facebook! Hashtag No Privacy!
• Use the diary to begin longwinded sit down talks
• Be sure to show how incredibly offended you are. You know the cheer… “Be Aggressive!Passive Aggressive!”
• Correct their grammar, “No honey, stooped hed is spelled s.t.u.p.i.d..h.e.a.d”
• Show their diary to their siblings to set an example

Here is an example for you-

Child entry 1-

Dear Mom,

      My brother shoved me today and I got in trouble, not him. I did nothing wrong. I am so angry still and wish I could be playing play station instead of him because he is so stupid and he shoved me. I think you hate me and you are mean for punishing me instead of him. Everyone is so mean in this house and I got so angry because you grounded me instead of him! I can’t believe how unfair it is. He is a jerk. He should be the one in trouble. Everyone picks on me. You are all against me.

Love, Cookie

Parent response-

Dear Cookie,

         Thank you so much for writing all that. I think it is great how you told me how you were feeling. I would be angry too if I felt everyone was against me! When I feel someone has done something wrong to me, I feel terrible. Today your brother shoved you and that made you feel terrible. Before your brother shoved you, I saw you hit him 3 times. Your brother did not want to hurt you. He just wanted you to stop hitting him. It is important for everyone in our home to feel safe everyday so our rule is no hitting! You cannot hit, your brother cannot hit, Mommy cannot hit, Daddy cannot hit, and your little sister cannot hit. If we allowed people to hit, we would all be scared. No one should feel scared in their home. When someone hits, they cannot have privileges. Because you hit, you cannot have privileges. I love you SO much cookie. You are so kind and make everyone laugh. We all love you. I hope you can stop feeling angry. We love you so much!

Love, Mommy

NOW IT IS OVER! No more talkie talk! Zip it. Heal it. Hugs. Kisses. Moving on!

Here is a printable example for you

Anger Diaries

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