Every child comes hardwired with their own personality traits. There are positive and negative sides to each trait; you can think of them as extremes. As parents we are charged with the delicate task of helping children manage those traits and more specifically those extremes. Let’s look at two basic areas now and then jot down the traits that manifest in your life to see where the positive and negatives ends of the spectrum are. To effectively discipline your child you have to know yourself and you have to know them. Differences may be striking!

The Passionate Child~ This child is incredible passionate about everything. They love deeply and injure easily. The tend to be very sensitive towards life. They will be your little cuddle bunnies and bask in your warmth. They will cry, tantrum, and rage a bit easier than the others. They also tend to love justice but have a very raw idea of what justice should entail. They tend to become lost in their anger as easy as they become lost in love. They need to learn their limits and require a lot of help refining their passions to appropriate levels. As they grow into teen years, they tend to be bullied a bit easier by others who feed off their sensitivity. They tend to not like a peer but rather LOVE the peer. They do not have many marginalized friendships but rather end up with one or two BEST friends. As adult years arrive they become less bullied and more comfortable. They still may have few friendships but they are solid friendships. They tend to be faithful to their families. They are more prone to serving others with natural empathy and have trouble understanding why others can look the other way when there is a clear need. Forgiveness is a constant struggle because hurts are felt at a deep level. They love so much it hurts at times and they make a refuge for other hurting people.

The Perfect Child~ This child is the apparent natural at everything they do. They are not just good at math, they are top of their class. They are not just athletic, they are team leaders. Contrary to popular belief, this perfect child is not any more self seeking than others. They tend to lower their head after they achieve something instead of relish in the praise. Praise can actually make them rather uncomfortable. They work very hard to obtain a typically intrinsic standard. As they get older they tend to show off a bit more to hide their constant fear of failing. They enjoy succeeding in what they do and the outcomes (grades, scores, etc…) matter deeply to them. They tend to make casual friends easily and in great number but generally feel alone. As adults, these positives and negatives remain. They will love others but often require correction when it comes to the sympathy department. Forgiveness can often come quick for this person since hurts can typically be packaged up and dealt with, without lingering trauma.

See we all have unique personalities and as we grow older, they tend to become less extreme or at least easier to hide. Instead of the Passionate Child pitching a massive, tear-filled tantrum in front of all of their co-workers, they maintain control and may need to express it later or hold it in, if they lack an outlet. The Perfect Child may be able to received a compliment with ease as an adult, even if there are anxieties bubbling up whispering they could have done better. You cannot change who your child is. You cannot force them to be just like you. Instead, accept who they are. Never tell your Passionate Child to “not let those bullies bother you” or just “turn the other cheek” but you can teach them to journal and talk about their feelings, love others who offend them, and enjoy who they were created to be. You cannot tell your Perfect Child that “it’s just a game” or that “they can do better next time,” but you can help them appreciate the differences in others, speak kindly, and give them avenues they can feel good about.

So my questions for you…

1. What kind of child are you? Passionate, perfect, funny, shy, etc…
2. What do your extremes look like?
3. What kind of child do you have?
4. What do their extremes look like?
5. What are some extremes in your home that need to be reigned in?

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